i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
