I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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