I skipped work to stalk him.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
