my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
