Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
