how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
