my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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