Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
