Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
