i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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