the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
