remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
