whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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