the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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