put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
