i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
