Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
