the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Your cock deserves a montage
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize