is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
