Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
