The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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