Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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