lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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