I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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