We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
