We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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