I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
