I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
