He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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