Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
