im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
