my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
