# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
