If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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