remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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