she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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