It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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