How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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