watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
