I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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