I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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