Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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