I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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