i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
