So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
