I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
