Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
