Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
