can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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