Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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