butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
