"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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