everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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