Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we should paint friendship bongs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
