I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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