Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
