remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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