i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
